Hey,

Ive come to realize the type of person that I am in the past few months.  I just graduated from college and I think that me graduating set all of this in motion. Ive always taken pride in being an honest person; someone who speaks their mind, even though its gotten me in trouble in the past. And i really cant change that, nor do i want to.  I stayed in Boston hoping to have found a job and to continue with this certain 'relationship' of mine, which i will now forget about and act like it never existed.  Im not that old, nor am I that experienced, but i did hope that the day i break up with someone, it would have been in good terms.  Guess not.  I try to not hide things from people that i know, especially my friends, ALL OF YOU.  Reason 1: i didnt have that many friends growing up.  I was the fat  ugly child in the yard, and we all know how that goes.  So, as i grew up, i got more and more friends, and i really hold all of you dear to me. Reason 2: i dont like secrets, oddly enough, and alot of people always ask me 'why you always put ur business out there??' im not. Im just honest and i really dont care anymore what others think of me. I dont lie and i dont change up my story w/ anyone.  Like that, me and all my friends are on the same page.  Anyways, this relationship really didn't go as I planned and im going through withdrawals now.  The bad part is that this 'withdrawal' has turned into HATE. That hate has now turned into indifference.  I mean, when you share some of your life w/ another human being, you kinda hope that things would go well, right? Like, are you serious? Im going to end up hating you in the end? It makes no sense.  (God i wish i could write this in spanish.)  So, i had to leave.  I left, but hate wasnt in my heart.  It is now because of certain outcomes.  And im mostly pissed off because this feeling of hate wasnt a result of my actions.  My ex hates me, like seriously.  Im used to people legitimately hating me, but i wasnt going to expect that shit from someone i was in a relationship with; it makes no sense!

So, i graduated college, ended a relationship, and my father passed away along the road.  So, i was alone, very very much alone and have been for the past few months.  So, what should i do? My friends.  I came back to NY to see my friends.  And, now that im here, i cant even see them as much.  I forgot how busy NY is, and Im busy too, but ive always made time for my friends.  Maybe it doesnt help that I have a new phone w/ none of their numbers lol.  I hate 'lol' by the way.  So im kinda stuck.  I have stalkers here and there, meaningless homo sapiens that just crowd my inbox,  i dont see my friends, and my mom isnt in the country til next month. 

And thats where it all goes downhill.  Ive never been full of myself or anythin of the sort, except w/ Bibi and Yanet, my 2 best friends.  With them, im not afraid to say 'damn im the shit, im sooo sexy' but even then its a joke you know? Apparently, having a semi-cute 'face' in NY means that im a hoe.  Left and right, judgement after the next, and in my head, im like 'do you even know me'? At work, in the street, online, at the club, its not that serious, im not that serious....so its whatever.  I just dont even know anymore.  I usually come to NY to just disappear; disappear off the radar, not talk to anybody, just work and nothing more.  But i miss having a social life, and apparently that has its repercussions.  I like going out because oft the people im usually with.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

But, i dont know, i might have to change my routine.  I keep getting these feelings of unwantedness, and maybe im just making it up.  Or maybe ive shared too much.  I have all these wants and desires and i just feel like something is holding me back. I feel like ALOT of things are holding me back.  And, i dont like it.  I dont like limits and boundaries, ive come to realize that. And i keep finding them left and right. So i guess you've learned alot about me in the past 7 minutes, ill continue this some other time. 

Hey everyone...

i should write another entry like the last one....so im writing this blog specifically about my job.  It turns out that the Exec. chef quit a few weeks ago.  His little buddy, Unknown person #1, has obviously been goin thru a  power struggle within himself because he had adopted a certain attitude with everyone in the company.  And, in my head, i just let it go cuz at a work place, i cannot be bogged down w/ ppl's attitudes.  If you know me, u kno i have no control whatsoever with my attitudude; however, at the work place, and minorities please pay close attention, your atttitude needs to stay at the door. At the work place, your ass better be as professional as possible or else i will not have any respect for you and neither will other ppl.  Anyways, this animal started yelling at me one day because i was about to eat a piece of chicken near the concession.  He threw a hissy fit at me and yelled and said to me 'you do as i say or else.'  I looked at him, yes i am taller than him, i said ' you dont intimidate me and you are NOTHING to me; i am not having this conversation with you ' to his face and then i left and he stayed there yelling at himself.  So, im speaking w/ Unknown person #2 and they are telling me that he's gettin fired in the next few weeks.  When Unknown person #2 told me i was cracking up.

Cracking up because Im starting to see a trend at my job.  And this might a litle far-fetched but just hear me out.  For the past 5 years, everyone that has bad-mouthed me in some sort of way ends up gettin fired!! Im serious.  There was this kid Jose and Eric, this niggas, well, they talked shit about everybody; they went around saying that ppl were stealing.  They turn out to steal from the company safe.  Believe that! After that, it was this hick ass Dominican who started a little stealing society/ring w/ his own family!  Yeah, he eventually got caught and now where is he? I dunno. I thought u did.  And now, this unknown person #1 is pretty high in the ranks in the company and is getting fired. So, maybe im the black sheep in the company..no, im kidding.